Saturday, January 26, 2008

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why are some kids so mean?

Okay, I can't sleep. I just feel sick to my stomach and I keep thinking about this so I thought I'd write it down and get it out. So, what better a place to do this than my blog?....
Tonight I was making dinner and the TV was on and something was brought up about DNA and Emily asked me what that was. I was trying to explain it and was saying something about how that everyone has unique DNA and that is a part of them that no one else has- everyone is different and she says that she gets it (in hindsight I think she was thinking something along the lines of personality) because she said, "yeah, like hannah's the exciting one and I'm boring?" and I said, "What?" ( I coudn't believe she just said that) and she said, "People call Hannah skinny bones and me fatty pig and they say that she's the exciting one and I'm boring" I couldn't believe what she was saying and I said "Who?" and she said- "lots of kids at school, like some of the kids in my class, and some of the Mexicans and some of the sixth graders. You know, lots of kids." I then said, "hannah, have you ever heard people say things like that?" and she said, "yes, all the time, people always try to say our differences because we are twins" I couldn't believe it. I can't believe how mean kids are. First of all, yes, Emily is a little bigger than Hannah. She always has been. She's about an inch taller, wears a 1/2 size bigger in shoes and weighs about 3 pound more, but by no means is fat. Second, boring? What does that mean? Emily and Hannah have such similar personalities and are so close. They are trully best friends. They do have little differences, but it totally bugs me that everyone since they were little always asked things like (perfect strangers mostly) "who's the bad one? or who's the hard one?" That always bugged me and does even more now because of course everyone whether they are a twin or not has a bad day once in a while. So the whole trying to distiguish the good/bad twin totally bugs me. No one ever says in a family of kids "whose the bad child?" to a parent when they are walking around the mall or something.
But back to the name calling....That is what breaks my heart even more. It probably hits home to me even more because I was always the "chubbier" of my sisters and although I wasn't fat, (like Emily) I was bigger than my sisters and I aways felt like I was fat because of it. It's a horrible thing to be self conscience (sp?, it's late and I can't think) and I just don't want that for my sweet girl. I really can't put into words the emotions I feel about this and how I just want to protect her. I wish I could shield her from this. I hope this isn't something that is an issue, but I'm afraid it will be. Even if she doesn't feel self consceous (okay I really can't spell right now) on her own about being a little bit bigger than Hannah I'm afraid with people (kids) always putting it in her face it will make her start to be self conscious about it. She probably will always be a little bigger (she was born that way) and who cares, but if people constanly compare it and bring it up as a bad thing then it is inevitable that she'll feel bad about it. And I hope it doesn't cause her to have issues. I don't know, maybe I'm reading into this too much, but I don't think so because I think that it just gets harder as you get older and go though the teenage years. I really don't know what to do to shield her and help her always feel good about who she is. I really don't want her self-esteem to be effected. Any suggestions?

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Today was my birthday- Yep I'm 34!! I feel really old. Turning 30 was no big deal because it was so close to my 20's, I still felt young. Thirty-four feel really old because it feels close to 40. For some reason 40 seems old to me, not to offend anyone who is 40 or older. I don't think you are old, just for ME to be 40 seems old because I still feel like I should be 17. I know that probably doesn't make sense.
Last night I had the surprise of my life- Yes, a SURPRISE Birthday Party for ME!! My husband initiated it and with the help of a few friends and my sister they pulled it off in a matter of about 4 days and I have to say I had no clue. I think the last birthday party I had was when I was 12, so it's been quite a while and being that I have a January birthday so close to Christmas - my birthday tends to be an after thought- or forgotten all together so it really felt good to be celebrated.
Here's how it happened....
Jess isn't one to really go all out for holiday's, anniversary, birthday's etc., so I try to be pretty specific of what I want. For Christmas he didn't actually get me anything (that's another story) so I told him that he could redeem himself for my birthday and actually take me out and get me something. So, all week I've been saying things like "what are we going to do for my birthday", "do you have anything planned?" and so forth. He would always say- your birthday is Sunday so the girls and I will make you cupcakes or something. He wouldn't make plans with me and so my friend called and asked if we wanted to do something with her and her husband for my birthday on Saturday and since Jess wasn't being very nice about things (he was purposely trying to act like a "jerk" so I wouldn't catch on) she and I just planned that we would go out together and get pedicures and go to dinner and the movie. (she was in on the surprise)
Earlier in the week Jess asked me what I thought about him going dirtbike riding on Saturday and being that it was my designated birthday observed (sunday can't be the observed day because he has so many meetings for church that he isn't home anyway) I told him that I didn't want him to go, but much to my dismay he was working on his motorcycle,preparing it for his ride on Saturday, late Friday night. I was really bugged because he wasn't doing anything for my birthday- not even staying home from riding (I have to say that the motorcycle riding takes up the majority of his freetime so I was hoping he'd stay home on saturday). He said he'd be home around 10:30am on sat. but he didn't even get home until almost 1pm.
At 6pm my friend came and picked me up and we went to the pedicure place and got a much needed treatment (by the way my new years resolution is to get rid of my cracked heels once and for all) When we were about done I called home to see if I needed to stop home and nurse the baby before we headed out to dinner and Emily answered the phone. While I was talking to her Jess called me from his cell phone and said that Hannah had wrecked on her bike and I needed to come home because it was really bad. (I totallly believed this because I figured he was outside with Hannah and therefore calling me from his cell phone) I asked if he thought she needed to go to the ER and get stitches or something and he said Yes, it's really bad- her face is pretty mangled- I think she'll need surgery or something. Oh my gosh! Talk about worried. I do have to say that I handle crisis like this pretty well on the outside so it didn't look like I was falling apart or frantic, but I don't even remember the ride home with my friend. All I could think about was Hannah. I walked up to the front door and opened it and everyone yelled "Surprise" I was so shocked!! It took about 10 minutes for it to sink in. I kept looking at Hannah's face for reassurance that everything was okay. I still can't believe how surprised and shocked I was. I never expected that in a million years.
Anyway, there were about 30 people there or stopped by- for journaling sake I'll list them:
Shane and Debbie Wright
Jon and Catherine Jones
Kati Hall
Cara and Evan Fish
Jule and Jared Nielsen
Cole and Angela Keefer
Clint and M'liss Fincher
Jared and Elaine Huish
Clint Atwood
Shauna and Jeff Arnett
Tracy Ayre
Jenny and Chris Forsgren
Denise Overall
Amanda and Adam Mills
Maryn and Rod Fuller
Janee Layton
Gretchen Ward
Wes and Courtney Davis
Troy and Candice Palmer
We ate food- Jess had Gecko Grill make up some platters of Mexican food and then he grilled hamburgers and had chips and fruit platters from Costco. Things were decorated, we had music playing courtsey of Jeff Arnett and there was the neighbors big screen TV set up in our living room with a Wii for people to play. It was a lot of fun to be with everyone. It was pretty amazing that Jess pulled it all off. He only had a little bit of time because I left at 6pm and people got there around 6:30-6:45 and I got there around 7:15. I have to say that my house was a mess when I left at 6 and he did a good job (with help) of getting the house in shape and decorated and re-arranged for the party. I got some really nice gifts- everyone was really thoughtful. My cousin Debbie made me a necklace that I love. I haven't been much of a jewlery person, but I think this necklace is going to get me started. I really do love it. It is so me. I forgot to take a picture, so I'll have to do that later. Even after all the expense of the party, Jess still got me a present (he's not much of a spender so that's really big deal). He bought me a new Ipod nano. It's blue and the 8mb one. I think I can even watch movies on it, but I haven't used it yet so I'm not sure. What a great day!
Below are a few picutres from the party:

Now about my pedicure... The poor lady who did my feet really earned her money. I gave her a really big tip because I was even gagging at the amount of dry dead skin that came off my feet. After all her hard work, it will be easier to keep up my feet for my New Years resolution to have no cracks in my feet. Also, I have a really ugly toenail because it was smashed about 9 years ago and now doesn't grow out and so when I had my pedicure done I had them put on fake toenails for my 2 big toes (I did both so they would match) so that I now have normal looking feet. I'm so happy. I know my feet aren't pretty, but at least they look normal. Everytime I look at my once deformed toenail I just smile. It's great to look normal again.
(I know I should have taken a before picture so you could see the difference in my toenail, but I didn't. Just trust me that it looks a lot better now.)